So I bought a new samsung phone and it won't connect to the internet, even though it is connected to the WIFI.

I have searched the problem up and of course the only solution I could find was a "software update" (which never solves any issues, I do not understand why this is always the go to solution)

The problem with that is you need to create a google account to even do a software update which makes no sense in my opinion but hey.

Guess what? I cannot make a Google account without an internet connection, and I cannot connect to the internet, so therefore cannot do a software update. How am I meant to fix this?