I totally understand and appreciate your viewpoint on this.
Some delays did happen with the exclusive colours which always happen which is why i didn't choose the graphite grey I had my eyes on.
The battery on a Samsung device takes around 2 weeks to optimise from being charged and discharged and goes through the learning phase.
I've had my phone since Launch and now it's optimised. Battery stats is a subjective topic as we all set up our phone's differently and use it differently and use different apps etc however I get usage from 5am to 9pm with around 40% battery left. I use very little battery saving methods.
Software Updates are sent out in waves as not to crash Samsungs servers. A phone supplied byba network may have it's own schedule as some networks want to test the software first. Updates are sent out dependant on region , phone model, build and serial number.
My Updates have been much better scheduled than in recent times.
I do keep a back up phone but I appreciate some don't. I've known people to ask family / friends or work colleagues to borrow a phone as many do have one sat in a drawer.
Alternatively a Samsung Experience Store can often do diagnostics in-house pretty quickly if you have one local.
People have their own personal opinion on Exynos and Snapdragon SoC variants of the phone. I've even gone to the extreme of buying a phone from Samsung UK and then imported the same model from Samsung Hong Kong and apart from about 1 hour netter battery life all seemed the same !
Exynos has come in recently and in my opinion now challenges the Snapdragon SoC.
Most people don't even know or care what the chip is inside their phone.
I wish you all the best. 
